African American Express

Not really, in fact I'm sure few black people will really ever have the chance to behold such a glorious specimen of human life. Made of titanium, weighing a total of 12 grams, three times your average credit card and a first month set up fee of $5,000, not to mention the chance to land on the moon, hosted by your favorite Japanese space explorers, literally, this will never be your average credit card. If you haven't guessed by now, I'm talking about the Centurion Card, also known as the Black Card.

Not even offered to 95% of America, those of whom who are already in the top 5% of the world's wealth, the black card has ridiculous statistics in America alone possessed by only a few in that select 5%. This is the only card that can buy you happiness. I just happened to run into a blog about the black card, full of legends, maybe even myths about just what a black card can do for you. I can almost guarantee for those of you who value materialism, the minimum $250,000 annual spending requirements can buy the happiness you desire.

Just to jog around it, here are some rumored legendary moments the black card experiences:
1. The black card has a monthly newsletter, so exclusive, it doesn't even have a name
2. The largest known purchase was a jet for $30 million
3. One of the most outrageous, yet "cost to be the boss" rumors I read was child needed some sand from the Dead Sea for a religious project and the cardholder called the concierge and a motorcycle was dispatched for a handful of sand which was then couriered to London.

Internationally, cardholders receive the service of a personal concierge, which basically becomes your personal assistant when it comes to things you don't want to do for yourself, like book hotels, harass the restaurant owner into closing early for your special party, and looking into that digital camera you wanted. And, if you have a secondary cardholder i.e. spouse/mistress, they too receive all the benefits at your expense. Upon enrollment you get access to unlimited concierge, valet and no black out dates for all flights, ever, and the personal shopper at Gucci never hurt either. So guess once you go black, you never go back?

And of course imitation is suicide, which is why rival companies such as Visa and Matercard offer similar cards with no-where-near comparisons. The Matercard platinum for instance has a $99 annual fee, with a concierge and unlimited companion flights, but you don't get exclusive offers and the concierge service acts more like an operator than a personal assistant, so I've heard of course.

But then I wonder, with all this wealth and upfront imaginary money, why are there still people starving in Ethiopia, war in Iraq and not a cure for HIV or cancer. These people should just buy these people out of it, or at least enough happiness until they die miserably from something avoidable. Despite my taste for material wealth, I think I would call my concierge and schedule something on the magnitude of Oprah's fame and make all the starving children full and happy. Yes my friend, its that exclusive

Some last words:
"I went to the malls and I balled too hard
'Oh my god, is that a black card?'
I turned around and replied, why yes but I prefer the term
African American Express "

Kanye West- "Last Call"